1. |
atscitsco
04:20
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as the rains
rain on me
on my life
everything
yet again
black the mind
& the soul
it consumes
i've started again
so many times
i don't think i could ever finish
there was a time where i let everything get the better of me. i sank so far down into myself and felt around the walls of a place so deep i didn't know if i would ever find my way back out. i had always read about an abyss. the abyss. and i had always wanted to confront it. to feel that nothingness. to sink into it. and it was so much worse. the thing i found out was that i would never feel nothingness in that place. instead i began to feel all of these feelings that had been denied previously. to fall into despair was not the numb sensation i expected but rather a multitude of feelings that made me become more manic. from that point on everything changed. i stopped looking. i don't think i've ever looked back since. it was all there all along. in front of me. in front of you. but nothing could have happened until now. until this moment. right now. of recognition.
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2. |
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like that dull ache of the night
when it pains
it claws
why don't you lie
& let the void grow
when you're cold and alone?
there will be moments
before it is enough
before the clouds will go
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3. |
us dead talk love
01:12
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singing songs of everything i could never be
as the silence depresses, echoes inside of me
because sometimes when you descend
it descends with you
and sometimes when you ascend
it ascends with you
if only i could give up this dance
take the ring from my ears
& the sting from my gut
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4. |
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i wish i could escape the self destructive tendencies running riot inside of me since forever longing to run dry of the death drive that won't let me be
but there's an echo overcoming echoing back suffocating so silence reigns under a will that lacks all strength to manifest
& still not writing about this was the hardest most painful thing i ever wrote god only knows how i clawed and struggled against myself just to cope
in a world forever never nothing but forever blue the saving grace i can reassure myself with is i still all ways hurt myself much more than you could ever do
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